What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
Last Updated: 19.06.2025 01:32
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
All the time i was locked up.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
He resisted the act ,that day.
She found it foreign!.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Does the West have a defense against China's PL17 air-air missile?
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
What parts of the Bible, if any, are inappropriate to read to children? Why?
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Why do our deceased do not protect us from other bad spirits?
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
One cannot live in the past .
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
What is the best case of “You just picked a fight with the wrong person” that you've witnessed?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
Was to survive, this bastard.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
What melts your heart every time without fail?
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Why do men like women gold diggers?
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
And i lived it daily.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
My husband asked me why do I keep on complaining about him cheating. Why don't I just leave?
I did it because my mum asked me too!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Why is dating so frustrating and difficult for a guy?
I said to her
This is soul school!.
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
On the 31st of Jan this month .
But ive been too sick for many years..
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
I write beautiful poetry .
He was dying to do it , i knew.
She was in good health!
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
I was scared of men, in general
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
She married twice! .
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She loved him until the end.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
She wouldn,t have been !
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I was seconnd youngest,
My family never makes their pension either.
I have no regrets .
I was 9 years of age.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
As i do to all so called friends.?
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I waited trembling.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
But it wasn’t much.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
Where the ultimate outsiders.
The only rule us 5 kids had .
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
When she asked me how she looked .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Im still living with it.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
It was going to be , some day.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
Ive learnt so much.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Who then, do I blame.?
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I was very sick at this time too.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
We all went to grammer schools
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
But, we were locked up after school.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
(And it was in our own minds.)
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I think the readers, may guess!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
Comes on , in middle age.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Would this be the day?
I could never make a relationship work though!
So whats the point in blame.
Why did i forgive my father ?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
What did i know ?
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
So, i spoilt her more .
I never cut or harmed myself..
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
My life is so biszare .
I couldn’t, believe it.
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
I will be 64.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
He knew the spot.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Especially a lifetime of it.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
We were not on the streets..
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
Put me off passion for life!!
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I don,t even have a pension.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.